Games Workshop Gossip: Tom Kirby

I felt it was time to do another one of my GW Gossip posts, so here it is, the Tom Kirby edition!



For those of you who don't know Tom Kirby is Games Workshop's CEO and Chairman, having recently taken the mantel of CEO off of Mark Wells when apparently they both sat down as gentlemen and realised that the job of the CEO and the job of the Chairman where pretty much the same thing and so one of them should fuck off.

Anyway Tom Kirby has been with GW for many many years and was one of the key people involved in taking control of GW and then subsequently floating it on the stock market.

So with his backstory told, I can now go into the actual 'gossip.'

Tom Kirby is a pee talker and a man who chooses the closest urinal to you in an empty toilet! I know, shocking stuff, but let me set the scene as to how I discovered this horrifying act.

I had the 'pleasure' of meeting Tom 4ish years ago when I was inducted into Games Workshop over a two day course at the Nottingham HQ and shown a variety of pretty cool things. I didn't get to go in the design rooms, as they're almost always working two to three years ahead of whats being released, but I did get to see the actual mold they use to create Ork Storm Boys (the thing is HUGE!) as well as a load of 'three ups', the model production rooms, we got to cast a metal dwarf hammerer and a load of other things. That was the first day, the second day was pretty Orwellian, with discussion after discussion about what was "Games Workshop" and what wasn't and what one should do if a co-worker or your manager is talking about being unhappy with GW and it's decisions etc.

If you are curious as to what you should do if a fellow GW employee is disgruntled, you should immediately inform management, be it their manager, your manager or the next person up the hierarchical ladder. This way they can have a frank discussion with the person in question. After all if they aren't happy with GW, then they aren't happy in life and should thus find something else that will make them happy.

So after the happy fun day of seeing cool things, but before the soul crushing Gestapo discussions, we were all invited to a mandatory dinner and drinks in Bugman's where we could mix and mingle with some of the management so that we could get to see that their all such great guys (lies, all lies). So having eaten my fill of mediocre curry and used my two drink tokens on a couple of Gin and Tonics, I moseyed on down to the loo to drain the main vein.

That was where I met Mr. Kirby. Having chosen a urinal in the empty toilet, I was suddenly approached by a slightly small rotund old man. Now there were at least 10 or 15 other urinals that were completely empty, but no he had to choose the one next to me and of course if he was going to break one of the rules of the men's toilet, he was going to break another one.

Thus, dick in hand and slightly drunk, I was forced to make small talk with Mr. Kirby.
"So what do you think young fella?"  
"Ummm...yeah it's uhh...great, thanks for letting us come?"
"Yup, yup, it's a pretty magnificent beast isn't it"
"....what?"
"The Lenton HQ! It's pretty impressive no?"
"Ohhhh, umm yeah, it's great...(dear god just stop peeing, why am I still peeing?!!?)."
"Well I'll see you around, and enjoy tomorrow. It should be really interesting!"

So there you have it. The awful truth about Tom Kirby (the conversation may not be 100% accurate, it was almost 5 years ago).

Seriously though, he's not a genuine person to talk to. Whenever he spoke to us all during the two day course, I always had the impression that he was testing us to see how far we would take the shit he was selling, like it was a game or something.

So beware those of you peeing in the toilets of Bugman's Bar, you might think you're alone, but that can change in a flash, without horrifying circumstances!